We all have our own stories and emotions about MEN and the Masculine that can range from LOVE, Joy to Misogyny, Abandonment, Unavailability and Abuse.

Yet we are all made up of Masculine and Feminine energies in varying degrees, no matter what our gender, race or sexual preference.

Each energy within us has specific characteristics and plays an integral part for our well being and ability to thrive within relationships and in loving ourselves.

They need to balance and harmonise so that we feel safe, secure, confident, open and receptive to LOVE.

A big block to having this internal balance is our emotional conflict between allowing healthy masculine energy and healthy loving MEN and holding onto past rage, grief, shame and disappointments around men.

*** NB: If you’re currently in an abusive relationship, use your rage and pain not to fight against your abuser, but to seek help ( professional agencies etc) and take action to get out and away from the situation – fight for yourself to be free, because you are worth so much more than this and it is not LOVE!  

What Does A Healthy Man And Masculine Energy Look & Feel Like? 

To me, healthy masculine energy feels like being around trees!

Its stable, earthy, grounded and expansive. It is living and breathing, not rigid, but moving at a different pace. 

When it’s combined with the healthy feminine energy, you get balance, passion, action and reflection, and the embodiment of LOVE in abundance. 

Healthy secure, confident MEN are all of this above, as well as fun, playful, brave, curious, have fears but take action, communicative, kind, loving, supportive, cheerleaders, coaches and drivers, for physical change.  

I did not grow up with this kind of masculine energy or men. It was something I had to seek, figure out, learn and discover the long way round!!! 

The Traumatised Man

In my family, both my grandfathers were heavily traumatised by the first and second world wars, serving their country, and their lack of secure childhoods. 

What was left when I met them were ghostly shells. Emotionally disconnected and barely getting by as humans. Living life on less than half measures!

They’d been conditioned to think and behave a certain way to fit it, be civilised, be accepted and be safe — and it failed them!

They did not have the capacity to be fathers and could not demonstrate a secure and loving masculine, which left a void, for both my mum and dad to struggle with, as they tried to grow up. 

But Who Were Their Role Models?

My dad sought out other men to learn from and lean on within groups and sport, but they taught him to focus fully on his masculine action and hard work as the way to feel secure, but and not to communicate or express his emotions’. 

Like all fathers, he passed on what he’d learned and tried his best to give us what he had felt had been missing in his childhood.

He wanted us to feel secure, and his answer was to work to the bone and provide financial security to the detriment of him being emotionally and physically absent with work until he was stressed out, so when he was made redundant at his prime he got depressed.

So, my brothers, who had lots of male friends as peers desired to grow up to be different to the men they had seen and experienced but had no one to guide them and show them how to be secure, confident and emotional as MEN. 

They longed to be loving relationships but didn’t know how to have a healthy one, where giving and receiving was equal and balanced. 

Expected To Be Machines – Not Humans!

Add to that they, just like our grandfathers, grew up surrounded by social conditioning, expectations and competitiveness that I cannot accurately imagine as a woman. 

Young boys were allowed to play, be kind, loving and carefree. As MEN, they were expected to be MACHINES [not healthy masculine energy]. Workhorses, providers and at war with everyone. Anything less was considered weak, failure and being useless. 

[* Male Suicides have consistently accounted for 3/4 of all suicides in the UK since the 1990’s]

As a result for a long time, the masculine presence in my family was unavailable, cold and distant to me, and the feminine. 

Women and fullness of their own feminine side and emotions scared them – they did not know how to express that emotional energy!

Even though I could feel their deep oceans of sometimes raging and painful emotional energy, they did not express them. It was very confusing for me, as someone so sensitive to others. 

Men Can Change Too!

As I think of them today, many years on, they are all good men!

Both my brothers are married, and although it took them a few go’s they’ve got it right and are in deeply loving relationships. Amazing stepfathers, as well as husbands. Good brothers and better sons. They do their best to be communicative, make an effort, supportive and available and are improving all the time. 

My dad is now a very different MAN: loving, involved, supportive, relaxed, happy man, father and husband. 

Retirement was the final shift that let him off the hook of thinking he has to provide and be ‘something’ in everyone’s eyes. I’ve even been on holiday skiing with my dad twice since his retirement, and he is so much fun!

So what happened! 

Well, a combination of things! Time, life experiences, getting older, seeking self-growth, society-changing, but also I acknowledge I’ve changed…

It Took Me Forgiving Them Too!

I looked within and put down my sword and stopped fighting against MEN as a whole!

I finally stopped being so angry with them for being distant, abandoning me and letting me down. 

I forgave those men in my life for all the mistakes and not knowing what to do and for not being my perfect knights!

I choose to have compassion that they’d not had healthy masculine role models either and they did their best, even if their best SUCKED at times!

I let go of holding the unexpressed ancestral energetic rage and grief of all the women and the feminine in my family for being disappointed and controlled by men, the patriarchy and the masculine energy. 

I wanted to experience something better in my life than had been before! So I sought out to teach myself what healthy men and the masculine is supposed to look and feel like.

I made a very conscious choice to start with me and have a different relationship with the masculine energy that is part of me.

To learn and discover what it feels like to embrace healthy masculine energy, so I no longer had split, conflicted energy and I could feel safe, secure and at peace in myself and in my life. 

I took responsibility and reclaimed my personal boundaries. I moved away from MEN ( and women) who were unsafe and did not feel good to be around.

I became to look for the good stuff that men and the masculine has to offer me and the world. 

Above all, I choose to allow the energy of LOVE to heal my past wounds so that I could create a better relationship with the MEN in my family, with friends and the partner I desired in the future. 

Setting The Healthy Masculine Free From Within

Although I’m not completely over every masculine wound of the past, they still niggle a little if I get triggered by something, what I’ve come to discover and remember is how much I LIKE the Masculine.

  • How much I used to enjoy playing and hanging out with my male friends at school.
  • How much I used to love playing with my brothers and father when we were on holiday, where they all seemed far more relaxed.
  • How bold, brave and adventurous they can be.
  • How much fun I had surfing with them and how they would support, celebrate and push me a little to be more
  • and so much more!

As I set myself free from punishing and rejecting the masculine and men, then more my life filled up with healthy loving men. My relationships with them have deepened in trust and they show up for me as equals, with respect, kindness and love.

Whist my inner masculine energy supports me like the roots, trunk and branches of my blossoming and blooming tree!

When We Forgive We Can See More Clearly

As I put down my defensiveness and released my wounds I could see that 80% of the Masculine over my lifetime – lovers, friends, brothers, father, grandparents, colleagues, clients and all those I have met travelling the world have been GOOD [enough]MEN.

Doing their best, willing to learn, and all though they may have made and make mistakes, are genuinely kind at heart and loving. That the dangerous, cruel, unsafe ones make up a tiny percentage.

I genuinely believe that if we want to see something better, more loving, more balanced in our relationships with men, from the masculine energy that is the collective of us as a human race, then we have to look at our internal relationship with the masculine energy that is part of what makes us who we are, no matter our gender, race or sexual preference. 

Once we do, we can celebrate the gorgeous ways MEN and the masculine can show up and support us as WOMEN and for the feminine energy within us, in our relationships and the world at large!

*In the 2020 2nd Edition of The Big Book Of Love there loads more on Masculine and Feminine Blueprints and Energies and the importance of them for healthy LOVE relationships with ourself and others.*




If you’re seeking MORE LOVE because you desire to;

*Feel happy being YOU every day!

*Attract & date YOUR RIGHT LOVER with ease & grace using The Law Of Attraction!

*Improve a current relationship for more joy, fun, intimacy & communication!

*Have a stronger connection to The Universe, Big LOVE, spirituality and your intuition…


Much Love

Jo xx

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Love Psychologist, Relationship Therapist, Love Energy Healer and Author

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