ELLIES story - DARKNESS TO JOY

Ellies IMage 500

DEAR GIRLFRIEND,

It's crazy how much life can change in a year…

I wanted to write and share with you what’s happened.

Honestly, I think I am doing this for me as much as for you because I can’t believe all the incredible things I had accomplished, experienced and taken part in this year; so many and I've never been prouder.

Most people remember their birthday as a wild night out with their friends followed by being hungover the next day, putting together the pieces from too much alcohol - right?

Well not for me… it was sh*t!

Mine was spent sat at the same place I always went to hide and contemplate whether I actually wanted to be on this planet anymore. By then I was escaping there 3 maybe 4 nights a week, ignoring my phone constantly ringing from worried family, boyfriend and friends…

I would sit and drown in questions of if and how I would end it, or it this was just a cry for help, or if and how would I sort myself out?

But sort what out exactly?

LIFE WAS SO DARK & LONELY!

I was living at home with my family, I had a boyfriend and a job where I could work with two of my best friends – it’s hard to describe, but it all just felt wrong!

So empty - black and grey and one big blur…

I trawled the internet looking up symptoms and went to the doctors where they gave me a big label of 'depression', but didn't actually help.

Everyone around me now thought it was all going to get better; especially as the doctor had prescribed me tablets. I didn't want to take them, I always have had more of a holistic approach to life, but I did and they just made my thoughts worse.

Finally, I just decided to do something different and sought out someone who might be able to help me and I found Jo. I remember thinking she’s going to think I am crazy?!

But from the very first session, I knew I had made the right choice...

It was time to be 100% open and truthful

I can tell you the first few weeks were a complete emotional roller coaster and I was exhausted. Finally admitting out loud that I felt like a little girl in a young woman's body. I was spending my life pleasing everyone around me and it had left me with no energy, no spark, no love – nothing.

I couldn't believe it when I started to understand what a healthy loving relationship was and the one I had been in all that time but was actually a toxic, draining, controlling relationship and it had played a big part in me getting to this point - so I put an end to it.

Over the weeks I amazingly I began to feel like I was waking up - I found a point to being in the world and I saw a smile on my face. My dark days got smaller and my bright days grew bigger.

I gradually started to like being a single woman, felt stronger and more powerful. I began to attract all kinds of cool things from different people in my life.

SPREAD MY WINGS & FLY!

Then suddenly a friend of mine got in touch with me, out of blue and said she had left her job in London and was returning to home, but was keen to travel more. She'd had an idea and asked me what I thought about it?

From everything Jo at taught me about listening to my own body - I instantly knew - that this was the next step I had to take in my life. My body, my mind, my energy, everything was screaming at me; Yes - Go!

So, 5 weeks later I had quit my job and we were waiting at London Heathrow, bound for South East Asia...

With only a tiny budget, no idea where we were going and a lot of excitement we left for this amazing adventure - I felt so alive!

I was free, energetic, wild, bubbly, laughing, dancing, testing my limits, pushing myself, getting lost and not caring - everything I would have feared before was being thrown at me and I dealt with it without a care in the world - it was amazing!

I even chose to separate from my friend at own point and went off exploring just by myself.

I can’t believe I was the same person, who used to hide, sacred to be alone and thoughts about giving up on life!

I thought back to Jo so many times and all the incredible things she had taught me!

I could now see that life was BEAUTIFUL, and so were the people in it…

NEVER CAME BACK DOWN!

The incredible thing is that after taking that first jump I never landed back to my old reality!

Life has continued to flow gracefully and swiftly since I landed back in England…

For 3 jobless weeks after an initial struggle with old panic's and saw Jo again for a couple of sessions  -  I relaxed once more and had faith something would come my way, and it did.

I have found my way to work with dogs full time - animals have been a number one passion for me all my life, but I never believed my work could actually be my passion.

I have spent my summer with the greatest friends I’d never really appreciated before; I went on road trips, adventures, festivals, and began to live my life the way I wanted to.

I've fallen in love

What was a total surprise is that to top it all off I've fallen in love and am in a relationship with my best male friend...

We had contemplated it before, but my fear had always got in the way - honestly, I didn't use to think I was 'good enough' - Now I know, I am.

I've never been happier...

I finally learnt to say no to what I didn't like, or want and stop worrying so much about what other people think. I feel so much more confident.

I seem to laugh every single day, work hard in a job that I love and feel safe to love freely.

I'm constantly exploring new ideas and excited by possible adventures where life could take me...

My next dream is to have my own grooming studio open by mid next year. It's a big step, but I know I will get there if I take it in small stages.

I can’t believe I wake up every day looking forward -  I'm finally living my life as a young woman should be.

Isn't that just the best news - I told you it was an incredible year!